fbpx

Do You See What I Mean? How Perception Affects Communication in Relationships

“Why don’t you see what I mean?” is a common phrase people use during an argument. We say things like this because we tend to wrap messages around our own perception or view of the world. However, when it comes to communication breakdown in relationships, someone’s perception of a situation is usually not what is actually happening. In this article, we take a deep dive into how perception affects communication and list effective tips on how we can improve our perception for better communication in all areas of life.

 

What is Perception?

At its core, perception is how we make sense of the world and what happens in it. Factors that influence perception often include our values, needs, social roles, and environment. Additional influences include:

  • Genetics
  • Cognitive Abilities
  • Our Senses
  • Culture
  • Age

The actual process of perception involves selecting, organizing, and interpreting the information we take in. The selection process is the brain’s way of determining what stimuli we want to let into our perception field and what we want to leave out. Next, we organize what we allow in by sorting and categorizing information based on learned cognitive patterns. For example, children will group pictures for a project formulated on what “seems to go together” and what “does not belong” based on things like shapes, colors, and size. As we age, our brain continues to file information and social interactions away to access it for another time. How we interpret what we perceive comes next, and because our perceptual filters continually shift meanings and interpretations (LaBracio, 2016), this is where breakdowns in communication tend to happen.

 

How Does Perception Affect Communication With Others?

First, it’s essential to understand that these two processes are highly intertwined. Perception shapes how we understand how others communicate and how we communicate. Conversely, communication also influences our perceptions of people and situations. Additionally, there is a connection between perception, communication, and behavior. However, things get dicey when the same message is perceived and interpreted differently by different people. Ultimately, this miscommunication affects our behavior.

For example, a friend invites you to a concert and states that the tickets are cheap, but he also needs to secure them on his credit card before they sell out. You quickly agree to go and offer to pay him later. Your friend texts you the ticket price the next day, and the amount he gives is way out of your price range. Your perception of “cheap” was far different than his perception. This miscommunication leads to an argument that eventually puts a strain on your friendship. This is just one example of how differences in perception may cause misunderstandings or even major communication breakdowns, and ultimately these issues affect our behaviors.

Since perception is a cognitive process that helps us to understand our world, how we receive, filter, and interpret behaviors and conversations may not be the same as how someone else does it. According to Sara Weintraub in her book Communication and Perception, “Perception is the key to how we assign meaning in our interactions with others. Because of this, it has a significant impact on how we communicate and how we understand the communication of others. Understanding the different steps in the perception process will enable you to consider the potential misunderstandings that may occur and help you communicate more effectively (Weintraub, 2016).”

 

How to Change Your Perspective for Better Communication

Effective communication requires self-reflection, a better understanding of the perception process, and a commitment to change. Easier said than done, right? However, with some practice, when people try these techniques, they can gain new insight into how others perceive and navigate their world. Here are some guidelines for improving perception and communication with others:

  • Amplify the signal – we often communicate less information than we think we are, a syndrome psychologists call signal amplification bias (Ferrazzi, 2013). To avoid this, especially in a work situation, if you have a phone conversation about a delay in a project, follow up with an e-mail or text to drive home any important details and minimize misunderstandings.
  • Avoid mind-reading – issues in relationships are often caused by mind-reading. A classic example is when someone walks around with resentment building up inside of them for the perceived wrong their partner’s done to them. However, that same partner was never asked about the issue and had no idea why their partner was so upset. The problem was all built up in the other partner’s mind. The best way to find out someone else’s perception or point of view is to ask them directly.
  • Distinguish between facts and inferences – a fact is information that can be checked and verified. Inferences are assumptions that are made on facts but are not necessarily true. Try to remember these differences, especially at work. For example, a company letter states that budget cuts are happening next quarter. Your co-worker immediately infers from the message that they are going to be fired. The company will be cutting the budget is a fact, but how the company will be affected has not been disclosed yet. Any inferences made at this point will only cause unnecessary stress and miscommunication.
  • Monitor labels – labeling is a tool that people use to understand the complexity of the world they struggle to perceive. However, labeling others, especially unconsciously, can also cause long-term consequences and misunderstandings. For example, at work, we may label a co-worker as difficult. But if we shift our thinking from this person is difficult to “I have difficulty with this person,” it can help monitor labels that can turn harmful and unproductive.

Repeating these processes and committing to change will not only help you become a better person and communicator, but a better friend, partner, and co-worker.

 

“Only a small portion of reality, for a human being, is what is going on; the greater part is what he or she imagines in connection with the sights and sounds of the moment.” – Suzanne Langer