Click on any business or self-help blog, and the topic of resilience is sure to be in at least one post. Headlines such as “Test your resilience level” or “The best tips to building resilience” are often promoted to help people overcome stress, especially in the workplace. Still, even with all of this advice, only 19 percent of U.S. workers are highly resilient. Strengthening resilience can indeed help when facing new challenges at work or home, but what about the language we use during times of adversity? How does the way we verbally respond affect our ability to bounce back or maintain positive perspectives – even when everything looks bleak?
In this article, we speak with Tatiana Kolovou, a Senior Lecturer of Business Communications at the Indiana University Kelley School of Business and an Instructor at Linkedin Learning. As a communication professor, Kolovou is attuned to the communication strategies people use in the trenches, and she even tries to use the most effective ones for herself. Follow us as we discuss her knowledge and insight on the “Language of Resilience” and how managers can use specific language or “word swaps” to talk to themselves, work through stressful workplace events, and maintain a positive perspective.
VS: Can you give some examples of language or “word swaps” that will be more effective for managers to use in the workplace when they discuss difficult work situations or issues?
TK: “I hear the word ‘busy’ in the workplace a lot. And when people hear you say that you’re busy, they end up then not approaching you, and they feel that you don’t want them to take up your time. And that makes you less approachable. So I recommend, instead of saying busy, say being ‘engaged,’ ‘focused,’ or ‘dialed in.’ And make time to be with people and seem more relaxed. So, for example, during a virtual meeting, take off your glasses, look around and smile and talk with people, even though you may feel pulled to go to your next meeting or to make your phone call. In terms of speaking, when managers are in challenging situations, it is especially important to be vulnerable and transparent. And if you’re frustrated about something – express it, but try to keep your words more positive. So, for example, instead of something being horrible or frustrating, talk about things being tough instead of something being terrible. Make it a challenge instead of a problem. Then you will start seeing things as challenges and opportunities or see the silver lining in things. It’s important to look back and look at what we can learn from this opportunity because the tone from the top is really important.”
VS: How can managers talk to themselves to help them through stressful events and maintain perspective?
TK: “We don’t operate in silos, and managers need to have their own advisory groups and support systems that can help them stay positive themselves. So turning to friends or professionals and saying, look, ‘I’m dealing with this.’ ‘What do you think?’ ‘How would you do it?’ or ‘How would you respond to this?’ And managers should also do things that can help them stay positive such as writing journals, writing things down, or writing all the things that they have accomplished, versus just looking at what the problems are.” Write three positive things in the morning, and you’ll accomplish that. But I would also say compartmentalizing is really important for managers to stay sane because things do happen one on top of the other, for sure.”
VS: How can managers ask for help or talk to others, especially when they don’t know how to?
TK: “This is key. People think that [managers] have it all together, you are the leader, and you are okay. So they tend not to approach you, but they also think that you’re okay, and they don’t offer to help. So managers need to be vulnerable. They need to reach out and ask for help and delegate. Sometimes even if things are not being done exactly the way they want them, some help is better than no help. So, you can start asking [for help] in places that are safe first or feel comfortable first, like in their family or within their closer circle of trust, and then expanding it from there. So for example, they can say, ‘Look, I can’t operate in a silo, I thought I could do this myself, but I can’t.'”
In Kolovou’s Linkedin newsletter “Stronger: Power Up Your Work Performance,” she summarizes the critical points on the “Language of Resilience” and states, “The language of resilience is optimistic, assertive and definitely one you can use to coach yourself during a stressful event. Pay attention to how you speak out loud and what you repeat in your head. Write down word swaps and work on verbalizing the less negative options. Stay on this resilience communication regimen until the storm passes. You are the only one who can make it happen.”
